Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
