if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
