So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
