I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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