I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
