Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we have pet lesbian snakes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
