im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
