Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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