i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just made my gag reflex go away.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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