I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
