I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my sisters under your porch take her home
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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