this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
