Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize