I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
