Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
