Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
