were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
