I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
