Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
