she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think people are normalizing furries
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
