i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
