I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
