Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize