Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
