like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
