You work out of a Hotel?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
