You're my little dorito
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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