Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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