I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
