Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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