Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
