Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
