Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
