I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
