Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
