I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
