I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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