I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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