I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
