so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
