he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we made out on top of his cat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
