You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
BRING THE BAGELS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
