i would punch a child for taco bell
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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