the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He shit in the fireplace
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
