If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
