I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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