If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
