I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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