coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
