I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
