hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
