The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
