i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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