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Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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