Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??