If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia