there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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