no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
