I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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