Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the gays at disneyland are vicious
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
