Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
