Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
