Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
