somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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