make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
